L'appel du vide
by TheBlueAmethyst
Summary: —literally 'call of the void', it's the urge to have suicidal thoughts or self destructive behavior. He should've seen the signs. One moment she was there, the next... the curtains fluttered eerily as the sound of flesh and bones splattering to the ground echoed in his ears. One-shot! [Spoilers for Jumin's BRE 2] [Cover by: Ameri Lie]


**AUTHOR'S NOTE [12/6/2017]:** Edited the summary.

 **[7/15/2017]:** Some cleaning up with the dialogue has been done, and a continuity error has been fixed.

 **[1/9/2017]:** Writing this was admittedly hard. The moment I found out about this ending… God, I wanted to bawl. My poor heart ;_; I feel so bad right now. I had to do some more research on Jumin's route for this as well, which only made me feel worse… *sigh*

 **WARNING:** This story contains gore, suicide, depression, substance abuse, and heavy spoilers for Jumin's route. Reader discretion is extremely advised, please proceed with caution.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Mystic Messenger, credits to Cheritz.

* * *

 **L'appel du vide**

 **-** by TheBlueAmethyst

* * *

 _:: What kind of feelings did she hide before it all burst forth? ::_

* * *

She patiently listened to the clock ticking ominously in the background. Her heart was hammering against her chest and she held on tightly to her phone for comfort. MC sat on the edge of the couch inside the living room, waiting for a certain raven-haired man to come home.

He had a promise to keep after all.

She originally came here to give the man some comfort and allow himself to sort out his feelings but he had become borderline possessive in the process. Jumin constantly gave her gifts and luxuries beyond her wildest dreams. She was showered with small compliments and the man had devoted his full attention at her. She knew that he was filling in the gaps left by Elizabeth the 3rd—and by extension, Rika and the lack of motherly love, if her conjectures were correct—through her.

She tried to understand, she really did, but the way he had basically taken her hostage didn't sit well. It didn't help that when she every time she went outside to explore the building and all the floors below, she had to be accompanied by guards. She was awed but at the same time, it was starting to feel suffocating. It was like her every movement was being controlled and being monitored by the CCTV didn't help her feelings.

There was also the fact that her unconfirmed identity fueled the staff to start creating gossip behind her back.

She had clearly heard one of the maids call her a gold digger the other day and she nearly slapped the woman. The clerks from the boutique below gave her the dirty looks and even the people back at the parlor were muttering things behind her back.

At least a few of the guards—especially their leader Mr. Lee—was nice enough to chat her up and make her feel better about the situation.

Even when she felt like she was only making it worse.

Damn it, she just wanted to go back to the apartment. She still had to prepare for the party tomorrow and maybe get a breather. The atmosphere in this place was driving her insane. She honestly was starting to prefer the threat of an unknown force under the more loose protection of Luciel rather than be treated like a frail china doll.

Besides, the redheaded hacker had already dealt with the matter alongside Yoosung, from what she had gathered after finally checking all the previous chats just an hour ago. Though it was suspicious that V had showed up in the location of the supposed organization that was threatening RFA and placated them, she knew the photographer had a few things going on outside of what she usually saw in the chatroom.

Even though it was bothering her that Jumin sounded reluctant about it, she wanted to believe that everything was over.

Of course, the nagging thought at the back of her head concerning Seven's odd actions still left her mind reeling. She had called him earlier this morning so she could feel a bit better after sulking all day. Then he started talking about bread crumbs and her only caring for Jumin and not him, leading to him bursting into hysterical sobs.

Whatever went down there had definitely shaken the poor man. She felt bad about not going online since this morning.

And… admittedly, she didn't know if she liked the raven haired man as she did before. She didn't hate him but with the way things were now, her feelings were edging on dislike.

MC sighed and shifted from her position, hugging a pillow closer to her chest. All of these things and secrets the RFA had desperately buried deep was surfacing and she didn't like it one bit. What's worse was that she may have triggered all of these with her appearance and here she was, playing prisoner for a man she was becoming unsure about.

It was already the early evening and Jumin had called earlier to say he was almost home. She resisted the urge to cry and instead attempted to steel herself, gaze never tearing away from the wall clock. Time felt like it was going by slowly and it was grating on her nerves.

She almost jumped out of her skin when the door down the hallway opened.

Soon, a familiar figure strode in. Jumin's usually immaculate suit looked a bit wrinkled, his tie was loosened and his hair frazzled. He appeared to be slightly out of breath and by the frown on his face, he didn't look particularly pleased.

She simply smiled, though internally she was becoming panicky. Did he already catch on to her plans? "Uhm, welcome home Jumin."

At her words, the usually stoic director relaxed and his gaze softened. "Sorry for being late."

"It's alright I guess…" she whispered solemnly before swallowing her hesitations down. "I wanna go home now though."

He tugged at his necktie as he moved closer with a pensive expression. "Oh. I have something to say about that matter. I don't think I can keep the promise I made to you this morning. I'm so sorry, MC."

* * *

 _:: He should have seen the signs. ::_

* * *

He watched the way her expression tightened as he let the words spill out of his mouth. "It's simply not safe at the moment."

"I'd rather have you stay here one more day than risk any danger… and then, we can go to the party together," he added in an attempt to reassure her. The woman in front of him only frowned and remained silent, as if urging him to continue his explanation. "I still can't forget how suspicious V sounded on the phone. Maybe I'm overreacting… but I think it's better to be safe than sorry. This home has a better security system than any other place you know."

He removed the tie around his neck and placed it on the coffee table before seating himself adjacent to MC. The raven-haired man brought out his phone and stared at it with a conflicted mix of despair and wistfulness. "And… MC, neither of us have been online recently."

Her eyebrows twitched at that and she looked away from him.

It only served to make his heart tighten and he fought the urge to do anything else but sigh. He pursed his lips for a moment before continuing. "I want you to be honest with me… Have you lost interest in me?"

MC whipped her head towards him, her eyes wide in shock and disbelief. He swore he could see a hint of anger in her eyes but instead of saying anything, she slowly swallowed. _Please say something._ A small voice whispered in the back of his mind.

"Have you been busy with something?"

 _Have you decided that you're tired of understanding me?_

A knock on the door interrupted his next question, which quite frankly annoyed him. As much as he wasn't comfortable with where things were going, he needed to know what she thought. "It's very late… Could it be Assistant Kang?" he thought out loud while MC stayed silent as she squeezed the pillow in her arms, her hair blocking her face and effectively whatever emotion she had on display.

"Come in." he ordered. The door clicked and in came the familiar Team Leader Lee from security.

The suited man straightened up as he spoke but there was an air of hesitation around him. "Uhm… Sir."

"What is it now?" he asked, keeping the irritation away from his voice. Whatever the issue was needed to be finished quickly so he could resume his talk with MC.

"Someone named V from the RFA has come to see you, sir."

His knitted eyebrows shot up in surprise. "V?" he repeated, letting a thoughtful look fall on his face. If his friend was here, he may as well see him and finally ask some of the burning questions he had. "I see… Will you let him in?"

"Yes, sir." The security man nodded as he disappeared from the door. A few seconds later, a taller figure with teal colored hair stepped into the room, his walking cane tucked under his arms. Jumin stood up with his arms folded, eyeing the sunglasses-wearing man silently.

"… Jumin."

* * *

 _:: Was running away from him all she wished for? ::_

* * *

If there was any moment that she was thankful for, it was the appearance of the nearly blind man, if that cane in his arms was any hint to it. With Jumin's back facing her and V undoubtedly not able to see what she was about to do, she poised to make a run for the door.

Everything Jumin said had confirmed it, she was his prisoner and the only way she can be freed is if she did something about it. She didn't want this anymore. She didn't want her life and her decisions to be taken by a man she only knew for nearly two weeks. She knew he wasn't going to listen to her pleas.

As soon as V spoke, MC ran for the door.

 _Don't look back!_ Her mind screamed as soon as she reached the opened door, not caring about the voices she left behind. She nearly let out a triumphant cheer before she was met with the chest of Team Leader Lee.

"MC…" he muttered, a conflicted look eating away at his impassive expression. "You cannot leave this place."

She racked her brain for any excuses. Her freedom was so close! "… look! There's a UFO!" she pointed at a random direction. The man in front of her tilted his head away as Jumin said in exasperation, "She's joking."

Thankfully, the security guard had listened and had asked where the UFO was. She shoved past him and bolted through the door.

"Don't look away from her! You are losing her!" she heard the C&R director shout as she saw a few more men in suits stare at her in bewilderment. Team Leader Lee apologized and instantly yelled at the other guards to hold her back, making her curse out loud as they approached.

One had grabbed her from behind and she struggled against his grip. She clawed around desperately and hit an older man in the face, effectively drawing blood from his cheek but it was for naught. Another guard had held her back by the arms and the others surrounded her, appearing wary as she shrieked and kicked at them.

She feared being thrown back into the room. She just wanted out!

* * *

 _:: What did she view him as? ::_

* * *

"She's been caught," his childhood friend voiced out as he adjusted the sunglasses perched on his nose.

Jumin and V stood side by side in front of the door. He was puzzled at her frantic actions and the way her distressed voice echoed in the hallway, limbs flailing around and pushing back the other men. "Why is she trying to run away?"

The teal-haired man turned his head slightly as he spoke. "Probably because you're not sending her home."

He caught her gaze for a split second and he was mystified at the fear swimming inside those orbs that once lovingly stared at him. He bit at his tongue and averted his gaze from the flailing woman. He hated the way she looked at him. Like he was something she was disgusted about. "I'm sure MC has an issue with me. She rarely shows up on the messenger too."

"Even when I talked to her… she doesn't seem to mean anything she says. Just what is the problem…?"

His childhood friend sighed. "I heard from Luciel that you're being overly possessive of her."

The name of the hacker made his blood boil and he tensed, though not visibly. He didn't particularly hate the secret agent but remembering the interactions between him and MC left him feeling… anxious. He didn't like it that even when she had made it clear that she stood by him, there were those instances when he felt left out between their friendly banter, especially yesterday before she had neglected to appear in the chatroom, when she had started to avoid him.

"Who gave Luciel the right to gossip about my love life? I can't understand," he snapped as the guards started to bring MC inside, who seemingly lost her strength and wore a defeated look. They both followed suit and soon they were back inside. The guards were dismissed, all of them exchanging hesitant looks, before retreating back to their posts.

MC sat on the couch again, face devoid of any emotion.

V shook his head in dismay. "Please respect the other members, they've been watching you for a long time."

"I do respect them. But most of the time, I'm right, so I have no choice but to follow my own opinions."

* * *

 _:: She didn't want to be his puppet. ::_

* * *

She sat there again, gauging their reactions.

The two tall men in front of her were bickering again, facing away from her, and she was silently amused at the fact that the guards were back outside. At the very least, she could take into account here next move for a few more seconds or so.

Her eyes darted to and fro around the room, trying to find something to aid her escape.

She was lending half an ear to their talk and she couldn't help but frown at Jumin's words. There it was again. She resisted the urge to smack his face in. He was sounding more and more like a dictator in her ears and she bit back cursing him and his arrogance.

"You're still so stubborn. You even left your cat to Yoosung. She's in my car," V said as she spotted her chance.

A window.

She cautiously made her way over, alert of her surroundings and listening closely to the two so she could be ready to dash for it again.

"You're stubborn too. Even when RFA was in trouble, you went on your own little trip. And you're still refusing the eye surgery," Jumin said back in an even tone. "Please take good care of Elizabeth 3rd. I don't care about her anymore, now that MC is with me."

His statement sent shivers down her spine. Was that to be her fate?

 _If Jumin didn't care about her anymore, he'd probably just find someone else to dote on, namely you. Then the cycle would most likely continue._ Her mind bitterly added. She shoved the thought back as she focused on making her steps as light as possible. As she made her way to the end of the room, she unlocked the window and carefully pushed it open, letting the breeze enter.

"This is our first argument in a long time," the teal-haired man muttered, sounding increasingly distressed at the way their talk was going.

"I suppose," Jumin quipped.

"Hold on… why do I feel wind coming through?"

MC internally cursed and hurried to survey her escape route. "Shit," she muttered under her breath, staring hopelessly at the outside, the urban city landscape providing no peace to her conflict. There was nothing that can help her out: no balconies, no railings, no nothing. She let her gaze travel downwards and she quickly concluded a jump from this height would instantly kill her and even worse, tear her body apart from impact.

It was an odd thing really. There was something inside her that was saying she should just do it.

"MC, what are you doing?" the raven-haired man's voice called out to her and she turned to look at him, her hair whipping around her face. He looked fearful.

V stepped forward and although she couldn't see his eyes, he was definitely panicking. "It's dangerous if you open the window like that!"

The dam keeping her emotions overflowed and her eyes watered. The two men were quick to make a move and she understood, it really did seem like she was going to do it. The whispers in the back of her mind were comforting after all. Jumin was speeding up and had his arm ready to grab her, shocking her out of her stupor.

She edged closer to the window. She had a few seconds until her choices were ripped away from her again. For a moment, she felt like chains were wrapping themselves around her ankles and snaking around her body. Her throat constricted as if a noose had suddenly found itself on her neck. And they were connected to Jumin.

With gritted teeth, she spat out. "I'm making my own choice."

MC flung herself outside.

* * *

 _:: He could've saved her. ::_

* * *

"N-no!"

Everything went by too fast.

And he was too slow.

One moment she was there, the next… her hair billowed in the wind as descended. She had shot him one desperate and manic look and muttered something he didn't catch before disappearing out of sight, leaving him grounded in shock. The curtains fluttered eerily as only the sound of wind was present before the chilling sound of flesh and bones splattering to the ground echoed in his ears. Screams pierced through his blank mind.

He instantly shot forward, leaning from the window she had touched with her once warm hands.

He refused.

She can't be gone.

She was just there. She was right there earlier! She can't be! First it was Rika and now her?!

It can't be.

His eyes darted around only to stop dead center on something in the distance. He suddenly couldn't breathe and he collapsed on the floor, every emotion he had suppressed suddenly filling him with dreadful thoughts that threatened to drown him. His mind buzzed and red only filled his vision.

The last thing he heard was the V's panicked voice.

* * *

 _:: Had she started afresh? ::_

* * *

There were many ways to describe the feeling of dying. Her life flashing before her eyes, the feeling of adrenaline, fear or plain indifference... or the odd sense of calm as you waited.

Well in this case, they were all sort of right.

MC twisted in the air so she could face the dark skies above her. There was a peaceful smile on her face and in the few seconds she had left, she reflected on her rather short life.

If there was one thing she regretted then… it would be meeting the RFA and leaving them in the most painful way possible.

No matter.

She made her choice.

She couldn't do anything about it now.

She closed her eyes.

A moment of extreme, excruciating pain enveloped her senses. She felt her spine and ribs break as the bones in her limbs cracked with a sickening sound with joints protruding at odd angles. The momentary feeling of the skin of her stomach being cut open and sending her intestines and other organs flying came next as her head hit the concrete, rupturing her skull and effectively killing her. Blood pooled around her body and the shrill sound of a woman screaming bloody murder tore at the quiet night.

She embraced the darkness.

* * *

 _:: She didn't know how much her presence meant so much to everyone. ::_

* * *

Silence.

More silence.

He was left alone inside a hotel room with a dead look in his eyes. He sat on the edge of the bed, slouching tiredly. He didn't want to go back to the penthouse.

He wore his usual suit, albeit the way he presented himself made everyone around him give him sympathetic looks. Facial hair had started to grow and it was obvious that he was starting to lose weight. His hair had grown untidy, his eyebags had deepened and his pale complexion worried everybody else.

He didn't really care.

The news of MC's death traveled fast and preparations for her funeral were done in just four days, leaving the party to be rescheduled a week after it. They couldn't just cancel it after all, not even after this, they felt like it would disrespect her hard work.

He, on the other hand, was rushed to the hospital after he apparently fainted with him waking up a day after. His father came to him once as the funeral was proceeding, asking if after this he needed a long break from the company and if Sarah could come visit him as she was very worried for his well-being. He instantly refused, feeling the bile from his throat rise at the memories of him kissing her to drive the other woman away.

He was immediately left alone after one awkward hug and given a mournful look by his father.

 _Again._

It was on the third day after she had been cremated when there were disturbing noises outside. Zen had kicked the door of his hotel room in and marched towards him with an infuriated look. He held him by the collar, angrily demanding what happened as tears slid down his face. Jaehee and Yoosung who were both crying held him back, as V sat beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Luciel was nowhere in sight, most likely he was already back home.

He could still feel his ears ringing as he recalled the silver-haired man's voice telling him to at least come to her final resting place.

 _"You bastard! At the very least, you could come see her! You damned jerk! I trusted her to you and now—n-now she's gone!"_

 _Jumin stared back, feeling his tongue seize up. "I-I can't."_

 _"What?! You can't? The fuck man!? She fucking deserved better and now…"_

 _The atmosphere made knots form inside his stomach and he swayed, nearly careening forward in a sudden bout of fatigue and exhaustion. V tightened his grip on his shoulder, pinning him in place. He gave the teal-haired man a small grateful smile, however forced it may be, and addressed his audience._

 _"I can't go. Not now at least."_

 _Lies._

 _There was an air of disappointment and he understood that it was all directed at him. He let them do and think as they please._

 _"Her family is asking questions... they want to hear from you, Jumin." Yoosung's quiet voice tore through the silence, and everyone except the raven-haired man stared at him with varying degrees of sadness. Guilt wrapped its arm around him and he breathed out shakily, ducking his head in shame. He couldn't bear to go yet._

 _He just couldn't. "Leave," he stated harshly._

 _There was a defiant growl from Zen, who attempted to charge at him again only for V to hold up his hand. "We should go. Let's give him some time for now and maybe come back tomorrow."_

 _"To hell with that! He's already been hiding away like a coward long enough and—"_

 _"Leave already!" he cried as his voice broke, a despairing expression on his sunken face. He drove them away, feeling emptier than ever. Zen and the others appeared shocked at his outburst except for V. He chuckled darkly. His image of a cold-hearted man who had everything under control had undoubtedly disappeared now._

He couldn't exactly fix himself and keep his emotions in check like before anyways. Not when he could hear her screams.

Maybe if he had listened when she had shot him that fearful look back in the hallway, she could still be here. He missed her. Her soft gaze, her smiles so bright as the sun, her laughter, her compassion... he had taken it away from her because he couldn't trust her enough.

He swallowed hard, clutching his head as her sweet voice abruptly whispered in his mind.

 _"Why didn't you let me go home, Jumin?"_

He was currently surrounded by various empty bottles, ranging from expensive wine from Europe to low-class alcohol that helped him drown it all out. He grabbed one feebly and drank from it without caring to pour it down a shot glass. He frowned at how it had easily been emptied and placed it in a corner.

 _"I just wanted to go home. But you didn't let me. Now look at what happened!"_

The raven-haired man blearily blinked, his bloodshot eyes straining in the dark. He had to find another damn bottle.

 _"Jumin."_

Electric currents raced around his nerves as he struggled to correct his breathing. He needed the bottle. _"Look at me, Jumin. Look at what you've done. Or do you choose to look away like you always did?"_

He stood up, legs trembling as he walked to where the small fridge was.

 _"Jumin? Are you not going to look? Please?"_

He deftly opened it and saw only some brand of commoner beer was left. He hesitated before deciding to take three with him. If it allowed him to not hear anything anymore then screw what kind of drink it was. He fumbled around the room as he shivered.

The crestfallen man plopped back down on the bed and popped open a can. He took a swig of the beer and let it burn down his throat satisfactorily.

 _"You're not going to do anything about it this time, huh? It makes sense. This was one of those things you can't hope to control. That's just like you. Ignore things you don't like and then take charge of things you do. That was why you controlled me, right?"_

"I didn't control you. I only wanted to make sure you were safe." he countered weakly as he fixed his attention on a silhouette that appeared out of nowhere when he answered its taunts.

The shadow danced around, waving their hands as if to show disbelief. _"Safe? You sent me to my death."_

He ran a hand through his hair, frowning at the shadow that now stood a few meters away from him. "I... didn't mean to."

It sneered at him. _"That's just the thing. You didn't mean to but your actions certainly lead to this result."_

The comment sent a wave of anxiety down his body, showering him with disdain and self-loathing. He silently drank as the shadow cackled.

* * *

 _:: He missed her. But what can he do. She's gone because of him. ::_

* * *

The picture of a brightly grinning woman from beyond the glass case stared back at him. A ceramic black pot lied behind the picture frame, flanked by freshly cut stargazer lilies. There were a few more bouquets strewn around the area and he grimaced, for he lacked anything on his person as a proper offering due to his schedule.

"Hello, MC. It's Jumin," he greeted with an impassive voice. If one listened closely however, exhaustion was evident.

He stood straight in front of her, fiddling with the button of his cuffs out of habit. "It's been seven months. I..." he trailed off, feeling the need to be informal in order to get his words out. "I messed up, huh? The RFA has become more distant than ever, though the party could be classified as a success. While I'm thankful V has visited me more often, the others are... angry. Zen leaves the chat once I enter. Assistant Kang and Yoosung are more reserved when they speak to me. Luciel... has grown quiet.

"I approached your family after your remains were transferred here... and understandably, they were enraged," he said through gritted teeth, memories of shouting and a punch to his face still fresh in his mind. "I don't blame any of them. They say they've forgiven me, most of the RFA did after a while, but I can still feel the pain and the resentment they hold for what I've done."

He looked dead into the eyes of the woman in the photo, missing the familiar warmth they once had. "I've recently agreed to marry Sarah Choi." His expression tightened and he fought to keep the venom out of his voice. "I cannot let my father down as I have with the RFA. I'll let him marry Glam if he wishes as long as my hold on the C&R will be extended."

 _"Is that so..."_

"You had taught me to give others a chance." Tears flowed down his face and he didn't make a move to wipe them away. Just this once... he'll allow himself a moment of weakness. "To listen and keep a more open mind. Even if I honestly don't like Sarah I'll try to acquaint myself with her. If not for myself, then for my father."

His forehead touched the cool glass and he imagined holding her hand again.

The hand of the woman he wanted to marry.

"I loved you and... I'm sorry things had to come to this."


End file.
